Potty Talk: A celebrity in our bathrooms

This week, rumors flew around Tufts’ campus. Everyone could feel a disturbance in the plumbing as someone of great import was touring our bathrooms. Senator Elizabeth Warren, D-MA, was hanging out in the Campus Center trying to make new friends. In that process, she probably ended up using at least one of the Campus Center’s many bathrooms. In the wake of this monumental occasion, I chose to take on what are likely to be some of the most trafficked facilities at Tufts Universitythe Mayer Campus Center bathrooms. Specifically, I will attempt to tackle both the Hotung bathrooms and the all-gender bathroom.

AMBIANCE

As soon as I walked into the all-gender restroom, it was as if I had been transported onto a car of the Orange Line of the T. Just as with the Orange Line, the tacky, fake wooden flooring lent it a phony charm unbecoming of a utilitarian space.

If the all-gender bathroom was striving for charm and fell short, then the Hotung bathroom was quite the opposite. Made up almost entirely of metal and concrete, this bathroom almost screams at you to turn around and find somewhere else to go. If you stay a while, however, you may grow to appreciate the unabashed misanthropy it exudes. 

Whether you prefer fake warmth or genuine coldness, the CC has a bathroom for you. 7/10.

PRIVACY

While they are not technically very private, I have personally never seen anybody enter these bathrooms. They are so well hidden in the corner of Hotung, that privacy is really not a problem. 

Given the Hotung bathroom’s obscurity, many will instead trek upstairs. Luckily, the all-gender bathroom has a very prominent and easily operated vacancy indicator on the door handle, so it is unlikely that anyone will try to open the door while it is occupied. 8/10

CONVENIENCE

They are pretty convenient if you are already in the CC, but I would say that they are a bad option for a quick stop on campus. While the Campus Center is undoubtedly central, this creates problems for those just trying to pass through as everyone who has ever been even a minor acquaintance of yours sits in the Campus Center all day just waiting to wave and make about four minutes of meaningless small talk. Often, those are a crucial four minutes, and I need not tell you what might happen to a potty trip deferred. 5/10

HOW MANY THINGS DO I HAVE TO TOUCH

Normally, I would give these bathrooms a very poor score here. There is really nothing that you don’t need to touch, and the sinks function such that you may need to touch the spout mid-wash. That being said, given that royalty recently graced these humble rooms, there does seem to be some upside to their tactility. Namely, we can touch the same toilet, sink and hand dryer that might have been used by a U.S. senator. 4/10

Senator Warren could have found better bathrooms elsewhere. 6/10.